my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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