Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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