Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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