I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
