I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
