my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
