after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
