my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
