I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
