And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
