just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
