i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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