The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I still have a little drunk in my system
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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