the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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