Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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