ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
that is very illegal...i love you.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
