Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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