well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This baby is an asshole
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
