I cannot find my penis.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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