It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
