Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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