i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
