It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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