He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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