Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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