the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
