Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
