I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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