They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
