there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
