I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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