pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
