Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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