Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
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mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
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If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
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