Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
being pregnant is like rehab
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
