Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
