Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
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She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
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I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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