i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
