obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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