So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
