Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
