On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i came on her dog
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
