I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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