Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
