you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
