is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
