we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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