I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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