Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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