New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize