alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize