That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
