So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize