clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
