Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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