kristin has been a bad kristin
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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