Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
