every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
