I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
