just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
