How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
