Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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