you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
