we're blogging at a bar
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
