Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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