Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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