apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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