i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
