this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
