we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
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Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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