His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
