the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
