i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
