everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
