I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
