I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
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You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
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Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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