Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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