id be glad to
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
