you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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