How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
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Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
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I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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