If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
